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Post Funny Posts here!

 :: Old Site :: Comedy

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Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:48 pm

Hooray for Comedy!

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by AfflictionPictures on Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:44 pm

Tough crowd...
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:55 pm

This forum just started thats why no one has posted.

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by LOST REMEDY on Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:47 pm

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." hehehehe
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 30, 2008 11:09 pm

Nice!

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Spork201 on Mon Jun 30, 2008 11:49 pm

hey that was spam comment but anyway got any more blonde posts
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:02 pm

No it was a reply, making topics like that or making one word Replies IN EXCESS is spam.

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Spork201 on Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:56 pm

i got hold of a computer not a ipod horray for me and tes u are right
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:49 am

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother." lawl
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:52 am

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:56 am

A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:57 am

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.

''I wish I was 21 and beautiful!'' The wish is instantly granted.

''I wish I had a million dollars!'' The wish is granted.

''I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.'' The wish is granted. The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.

''Aren't you upset that you had me fixed?''
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:59 am

LOST REMEDY wrote:Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." hehehehe

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:00 am

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:03 am

What did the bra say to the hat?
"You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:05 am

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:08 am

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:50 am

Dude, when I made this forum I thought people were going to post vids or something, but look at caotic hero go!

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Spork201 on Fri Jul 11, 2008 12:21 pm

there not. So funny
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 11, 2008 12:36 pm

I didn't read them so I would't know, but it looks to me like he made a lot of detailed jokes which is good enough for me!

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Spork201 on Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:07 pm

I should put a Dane cook joke on here
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:42 pm

Oh god... KOOLAID MAN JOKES! or the joke about how drowning sucks.

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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:50 pm

So who liked my jokes!!!!
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:52 pm

When I get into a fight im just going to punch the guy in his eyes with both my fist then bend him over and punch him in the ass! W00T
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

Post by caotic hero on Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:54 pm

ive gotta know when is the next good yo mamma joke coming along...o ive got one your moms like a bus big smelly and only 1 dolla a ride...i dont see you saying anything W00t
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Re: Post Funny Posts here!

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